THREE key tips to effective communication.
I’m inspired to write again! In my online course HERE I cover in-depth the difference between productive and unproductive. I’ll briefly share this with you here, because I love you all so much and the support you give is UHMAZIN’!
I’m hesitant to say that any communication is bad. As a matter of fact any form of communication is better than ZERO communication. Am I right?
That’s where this leads into productive and unproductive. What I want to share with you today are a few example of this, and how we can make better decisions when we’re trying to convey our words.
Look at these THREE examples below:
Trying to say the last word
Be okay letting someone else finish
Talking out of emotion (anger, surprise, sadness)
Reflect on the emotion first.
Wait until the other is done before speaking
You don’t want to present yourself as the verbal bully.
These three examples I just listed above are key ways to PREVENT aggressive (unproductive) communication.
Trying to say the last word
This is especially common in an argument or debate, or any circumstance where you and the person you’re talking with disagrees on something. It’s human nature (and ego) to want to have the last word – as if it validates you are correct. Instead, PRACTICE (and I say practice because it takes a lot of it) self control in these situations. Over time, by not finishing the conversation or filling the urge to speak last, you’ll learn to say what you mean quickly and concise – and move on. It’s a liberating moment to realize that you don’t have to go on and on proving a point to convince someone in changing their mind.
Let me break it to you – you WON’T.
Babies learn by watching us and mimicking what we do – it’s actually a HUMAN thing. Let’s get back to the basics. This means we will never (almost never
because I’m sure there is .349040950 chance) convince someone to drastically change their view by just talking to them. The only way to influence others is to say what you mean, mean what you say – and live your beliefs through your actions.
Once you get a grip on this you can let your ego go.
Getting in the last word doesn’t make you right – it just makes you annoying. This is frowned upon in the social world.
Talking out of emotion
I’ve included anger, surprise, and sadness. In reality talking out of any extreme emotion without taking a second to analyze yourself often just makes you look like a fool. Think about it, when you’re angry you “say things you don’t mean”. Surprise isn’t necessarily an emotion as much as it is a reaction, but has the same concept. The reason I’ve included this in my chart for this course is just to release it and let it hide somewhere in your brain. When you’re talking to someone at the same time you feel intense emotion – you don’t have as much self-control as you will if you take a moment to digest what your feeling and put it into clear words. We’ll go over this in our LIVE sessions.
Ahh, this is a big one. At least for me it was a huge challenge. I had the worst habit of cutting people off when they spoke to me, because I was over excited or worried I’d forget what I wanted to say. The reality here is that you’re just communicating to the other person that what you have to say is more important than what they’re saying. It also shows that you’re not actually listening to them because you obviously were already thinking about your response. Stop this!
Instead, if someone is speaking and you feel the need to interject – try to find an appropriate moment to ask if you can speak a moment. This would be appropriate if you’re in a conversation with someone that tends to jump around to various topics without letting others talk. If you want to say something on a subject before they change topic – this would be an appropriate time to interject.
Just remember, you would MUCH RATHER be the one getting over-spoken on than to be the one over-speaking. Again, it just makes you look unsociable if you can’t let someone else finish their thoughts.